About Arrange Marriage in Nepal (Hindu Culture)

                                                                                                                        12/12/2016 (written)

The last week of the November 2015, I saw my going-to-be wife for the first time. Before that I had not seen her anywhere (either on Facebook or in real). The headmaster of my lower secondary school played a role to mediate between boy’s and girl’s side. He knew both parties very well, so we believed what he told about the other side.

Before that, my father’s sister and even my sister brought some proposals. They said “okey, this is a very good proposal for my brother. The girl is up brought in a good culture (family background) and has good schooling. We should not miss this chance”, both of them told that. Due to some reasons, without seeing them, they were dismissed.

I had not a strong belief in prophetic prediction. So, I did not show my hand to the horoscope experts. Instead, my dad tried it and the person said, according to my dad, we should send our proposal to the eastern direction, instead of western (both of them were on the western part). Dad said to me and I laughed because I did not have any faith on it, honestly.

After few days, dad said that my headmaster had brought a proposal on the eastern direction, about 20 minutes driving from our home. Even my brother had gone to home one day and the next day my wife’s dad and my headmaster were about to visit there. I don’t know if my going-to-be father-in-law had seen my photos. The next day, about in the afternoon, they visited. I was not in home. In the evening, my elder brother called me and asked me to come to home because we were going to see my would-be woman. I went in a motor-bike of him slowly. The next morning, I had my hair cut and we went to see her…

As I saw her, I thought this will be the place where I should come frequently hereafter. I and the girl talked in private and asked our interests, dreams and some other parts of life. In half an hour, everything finished. Then my dad and girl’s side decided to arrange an engagement on the next Sunday and marriage on its following Sunday.

This is how, me and Sandhya got married. It was somehow turned to be right about the prediction. It happened what they said. Later I thought it could be a coincidence. On the 12th (it should be 13, but it differed one day in convert with Nepali date), it was our first anniversary. We have been living happily with dedication in each other. In weekends, we go to visit around Kathmandu (where we live now) and walk on the valley ridge.

I always dreamed about an arrange marriage. So I did not thought about love marriage. Many of my friends and relatives asked me if I did not have a girlfriend.

In Nepal, arrange marriage is still in choice of many people even though society had taken a shift towards post-modernism. A boy and girl can fall in love and select their life partner by themselves. However, due to caste restriction, there are some conditions. In the recent context, people are also allure to arrange marriage because there are so many falsities in love marriage and the divorce case is higher in love marriage than in arrange. Now, you may call me a traditional guy, but I dreamed to enjoy arrange marriage and it happened so.

Arrange marriage takes place in 3 steps. First, if the basic information of both parents is liked by each other, girl’s side asks to come and visit. Then boy’s side goes and talks in details. If they have an agreement, then they fix the engagement date. (Meanwhile, if the girl’s father wants to see the family structure and situation of boy’s family, he will visit before confirming). It was highly in practice during my dad’s time, which is becoming extinct now. Second is engagement day. Boy’s parents and some relatives go to girl’s home and exchange the wedding ring. It is for the fixation. A feast is served for those few people. The third step is a marriage day. Groom goes to bride’s house with music and other relatives. The marriage procession goes on and comes back home in the evening. With some formalities, marriage ends. The next day, they organize a fest ceremony and people come to attend the party.

Me and Sandhya

                                                                A ritual process

Arrange marriage looks to be quite expensive. However, if they want to make the marriage cheap and faster, they also organize a marriage from temple of the suitable part of both sides. Even love relationship takes the form of arrange marriage which is another excellent part. Dowry system is bad for those who cannot offer it and it takes a serious mode later if this issue rose. So, boy’s side should not focus and should not evaluate any marriage in terms of dowry. If girl's side give it voluntarily, then its a different matter.    

Whatever the form of marriage, in my opinion, marriage opens the relationship into wide and dedicated. Wife’s family becomes so close that they take the second position after the family of husband. So, people do not like to hurt their family in any way, in terms of dowry and others.